Every night as I lie in bed there’s a fire burning just outside my window. She burns so bright that I can see her past my tightly closed eyes. They say a fire twice as bright burns for half as long, but nothing seems to stop her. I’ve started calling her Juni. Juni: a force of nature, a fire that won’t go out, a disaster that can’t be avoided. She’ll burn down everything around her, but isn’t she gorgeous?

Everywhere she goes, she’s spitting sparks: small smiles and quick compliments, holding your gaze a little too long. These fires will only hurt a little. She’ll flash her chestnut eyes and you’ll feel a faint glow. She’ll burn down everything around her, but isn’t she pretty?

Sometimes those sparks turn to flames, burning soft and slow: shared secrets and tight hugs, holding your hand a little too long. These fires will hurt more than anything ever has. She’ll tilt her head and you’ll hear a crackling fire. She’ll burn down everything around her, but isn’t she warm?

A few of these flames get hotter and become a roaring blaze: tippy-toe kisses and jumps for joy, holding your waist a little too long. These fires will feel like the end of the world. She’ll say she means well as your skin melts away from the bone. She’ll burn down everything around her, but isn’t she what you need?

I burned something else down last week: ash raining from the sky, acrid air permeating inside and out, hair smelling like smoke. I hurt a girl I love last week: I was so afraid of burning her that I pushed her as far away as I could. I still don’t know why I did it. I don’t want to destroy the things I love. I don’t want to be made of fire. I don’t want to burn others so easily. I thought I could douse the flame, take some pills, be careless with a knife–all it did was make me dizzy. I’ll burn down everything around me, but aren’t I trying?

Every night as I lie in bed Juni burns just outside my window. She burns so bright that I can see her past my tightly closed eyes. They say a fire twice as bright burns for half as long, but nothing seems to stop her. She’s a force of nature, a fire that won’t go out, a disaster that can’t be avoided. She’ll burn down everything around her, but isn’t she beautiful?