{"id":124,"date":"2024-07-23T17:25:00","date_gmt":"2024-07-23T17:25:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blog.edenjuniper.com\/?p=124"},"modified":"2026-04-09T17:27:21","modified_gmt":"2026-04-09T17:27:21","slug":"break-my-bones","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blog.edenjuniper.com\/?p=124","title":{"rendered":"break my bones"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">the question forced itself into my mind, without my permission:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">do i want to be loved or lovable?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">what kind of question is that?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">of COURSE i want to be loved.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">of course i want to be LOVED.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">of course i WANT to be loved.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>with your hand in mine as we walk through a field at sunset<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>with a single rose kept safe in a vase we bought together<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>with a swing on our porch that\u2019s too worn to use anymore<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>with a handwritten letter tucked in a box under my bed<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>with a lipstick mark on my cheek<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>with you drying the tears that start to spill late at night<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>no, listen<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>it\u2019s not your fault<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>i promise<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>you weren\u2019t the one to break me<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>i just have nowhere to put the love that\u2019s tangled inside of me<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>the roots within me don\u2019t dig quite as deep as they do in others<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>i worry you\u2019ll want to do something more than kiss<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>it\u2019s not your fault that i\u2019ll say yes<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>i worry i\u2019m robbing you of something if we don\u2019t<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>it\u2019s not my fault for feeling this way<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>i worry i\u2019m not built for love like others are<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>WHY WOULD YOU ASK AFTER I SAID NO<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>you persuaded, pressured, pushed<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>GAVE ME NIGHTS I\u2019D DO ANYTHING TO UNLIVE<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">sticks and stones may break my bones,<br>but your words rob me of rest<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">as i sit outside on this summer night<br>it\u2019s normal for my only company to be the stars and the breeze<br>but tonight the clouds say something sinister<br>it doesn\u2019t scare me<br>mother nature could never whisper words as vile as the boys and girls who want to love me<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">sticks and stones may break my bones,<br>but those years of pining took their toll<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">as i sit outside on this summer night<br>some lights in the sky are certainly dark by now<br>maybe the same is true of the ache i feel inside<br>wanting to be loved was a fool\u2019s wish<br>but its fire appears to burn bright from here<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">sticks and stones may break my bones,<br>but my body feels like a prize<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">as i sit outside on this summer night<br>the world is so much quieter here than in my phone<br>this isn\u2019t the way i wanted to understand what it was like<br>nothing makes me feel more like a woman than being degraded<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">i can never go outside again<br>i\u2019m too afraid to say no<br>and even more afraid of what happens every time i say yes<br>google told me this fear is called \u201cbeing asexual\u201d<br>i have nothing else to believe for now<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">sticks and stones may break my bones<br>but i\u2019d rather fracture my skull than fall in love again<br>i suppose the love inside of me will have nowhere to go<br>the love inside of me is different, somehow<br>i\u2019d rather die than be loved in your bed, against your wall, on your desk<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">but i still want to be lovable.<br>-like a star in the sky that you smile at<br>-like the geology section of a museum<br>-like that self-portrait project in kindergarten<br>-encase me in amber and bury me deep underground<br>-paint me as a landscape and hang me above the mantle<br>-turn my ashes into a diamond and wear me around your neck forever<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">i want to be loved to the point of preservation.<br>i hope you yearn for me to the point of caution.<br>i wish i was lovable to the point of healing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">i want you to love me without hurting me.<br>i hope you love me without hating me.<br>i wish i could love you without feeling guilty.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">i don\u2019t think i want to be loved, not like they tell us to.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">but i still want you to stay, even if i\u2019m not what you need. maybe you\u2019ll prove i\u2019m lovable.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>the question forced itself into my mind, without my permission: do i want to be loved or lovable? what kind of question is that? of COURSE i want to be loved. of course i want to be LOVED. of course i WANT to be loved. sticks and stones may break my bones,but your words rob [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":125,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":true,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-124","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-poetry"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/blog.edenjuniper.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/04\/outdoor63.png","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.edenjuniper.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/124","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.edenjuniper.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.edenjuniper.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.edenjuniper.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.edenjuniper.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=124"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/blog.edenjuniper.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/124\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":126,"href":"https:\/\/blog.edenjuniper.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/124\/revisions\/126"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.edenjuniper.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/125"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.edenjuniper.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=124"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.edenjuniper.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=124"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.edenjuniper.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=124"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}